The Metal Men

Times Past, 1980

Big Beach Brouhaha

by Martin Maenza

In a rather large laboratory, six figures of various sizes and colors performed a variety of tasks. The two larger framed ones, one a dull gray in color and the other a shiny blue toned, picked up a piece of heavy equipment. All the while, a well-built one of golden color instructed them.

“Easy does it, guys,” Gold said in his usual commanding tone. “That machine is very delicate. The last thing we want to do is break it. Doc worked very hard on it, you know.”

“What’s this ‘we’ stuff,” grunted Iron. “Last time I checked, we were doing all the work.”

“Uh…yeah…uh,” huffed Lead.

“Someone has to be in charge,” Gold grinned. His winning smile was offset by the texture of his robot skin.

“Less talking and more working!” a female voice called.

Iron let out a little chuckle. “I guess we all know who is really in charge, eh Lead?”

“Hah..hah…yeah,” his fellow moving companion replied.

A shiny silvery female figure stretched across the room. “Gold, we’re supposed to be cleaning up the lab for Doc!” she said. “Why are you standing around?”

“Um,” Gold was caught off-guard. “I was taking a break?”

“Robots don’t need breaks!” Platinum scolded. “Now, please keep busy while I help the others in the office.”

“OK, Tina,” Gold said as she bounced off like a coiled spring.

“OK, Tina,” mocked Iron after she was well out of earshot.

“Oh, hush you!” Gold said.

Platinum bounced into the back office area where the remaining two Metal Men were busy. “How’s it coming, guys?”

“O-k-kay, T-t-tina,” stuttered the diminutive Tin. The round headed robot with the flat rectangular body was busy pushing about a broom, sweeping the dusty floor.

“Hmmmmph!” grumbled the red skinned robot with the long pointed nose and protruding chin.

“Problem, Mercury?” Platinum asked.

“Yeah!” the hotheaded robot snapped. “Why am I stuck in here doing filing work?” He slammed a bunch of folders down on the desk. “This isn’t a man’s job! It’s a secretary’s job! I ain’t a secretary!”

“You aren’t a man, either!” Platinum remarked. “Remember, our primary directive is to serve Doc however he needs us to. And, it was obvious to me that he’s been so busy with his latest experiments that the lab has fallen in disarray. So, by helping clean it up, we help him.”

“Well, since he didn’t tell me to file, I’m not doing it anymore!” Mercury slammed the top drawer of the filing cabinet to emphasize his point. Whammm!

Tin cowered as Mercury bounded past out of the office; he hid his face behind the narrow broomstick and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he opened them again. Mercury was out in the lab squawking to the others. “H-h-he doesn’t s-s-sound h-h-happy.”

“Oh, pooh on him!” Platinum replied. She started to gather the folders off of the desk when she spied something curious. “Oh, what’s this?”

Tin put down the broom and approached the desk. “Wh-wh-what did you f-f-find?”

“Just this,” Platinum said. She raised a small letter to her beautiful face so her optical sensors could take in the contents.

“M-m-maybe you sh-sh-shouldn’t look at th-th-that,” Tin said. “Isn’t it a-a-addressed to D-d-doc?”

“I need to read it to file it, don’t I?” Platinum said.

“No, you don’t,” a firm voice came from the doorway. Platinum and Tin looked up to see a man with wavy brown hair standing in the doorway. He was dressed in a brown checkered suit with a white dress shirt and dark tie. From his mouth dangled a pipe.

“Doc!” Platinum squealed with delight. She rushed over to him, wrapping her stretched out robot torso about his upper body a number of times. “You’re back early. And here I wanted to surprise you with a clean lab.”

With his arms bound, all Doctor Will Magnus could do was clamp down upon the tip of the pipe in his mouth so he could take a few puffs. “I would say,” he said through clenched teeth, “that I’m just in time.” The pretty robot’s face was bobbing up and down gleefully in front of his own. “Tina…if you don’t mind…”

“Oh,” Platinum said, her mouth forming into a perfect ‘o’ and her eyes sparkling with surprise. “Of course!” She wound herself about him quickly, unbinding that which her stretched out body had bound. She reformed in her curvaceous female form. “Sorry.”

Doc Magnus stretched his shoulders as if popping them back into joint. With his busy schedule and the physical roughness of his creations, he felt he could truly benefit from a good chiropractor. He then grabbed his pipe in his left hand, took a few more puffs and then held out his right hand. “May I have the letter, please?” he said, trying to keep his patience.

“Yes, sir,” Platinum replied without a single hesitation. She put the typed note in his hand.

“Thank you,” Magnus said. He then started to walk around to the seat at his desk. Tin scooped up the broom from the floor and quickly moved out of his creator’s way. Magnus sat down and looked about for his ashtray to set down the pipe.

Platinum moved away the folders that had been resting atop it. After a few moments of silence, she finally said, “So, are you going?”

The scientist raised an eyebrow to her. “Going?”

“You know!” Platinum said. “To Hawaii!”

“Hawaii?” a voice outside the doorway asked. Mercury stuck his bulbous head inside. “Where?”

“W-w-why h-h-he…?” Tin started to say.

“It’s Waikiki, you stuttering simp!” Mercury snapped. “Who’s going there?”

“No…,” Tin started to clarify.

“Yes,” Platinum said. “Honolulu actually.”

“Honolulu?” another voice in the doorway said. This time it was Gold. “Who’s going to Honolulu?”

“W-w-why…?”

“I’m not…,” Doc started to say.

“Oh, it’s so lovely there!” Platinum cooed. “I hear the sunsets are just so gorgeous. So romantic!” She nuzzled up to the scientist at the mere thought of that.

“W-w-why is…?”

“Oh please!” Mercury scowled. “If I were able to be sick, I would be right now!” He started to storm off.

“W-w-why is h-h-he…?”

“I haven’t said I was going,” Magnus said.

“Oh you must!” Platinum said. “And you could really use the break!” She took her tapered metal fingers and began to massage his shoulders. “You’ve been so tense lately.”

“Tina, please!” Magnus said as he fidgeted in the chair. They were still sore from her previous embrace.

“Hawaii would be a wonderful trip,” Gold said.

“W-w-why is h-h-he going…?” Tin was sputtering. Without a thought, Gold spun around and gave his teammate a solid rap on the back. “….to Hawaii?” Tin finished his question finally.

“Just some conference,” Doc Magnus said. “I get asked to speak at a number of places each year. If took up every offer that came my way, I would spend more time behind podiums speaking than I would working in the lab. Who needs that?”

“But, Doc, this one said they wanted to present you with an award!” Platinum said.

“Of course. You deserve to be recognized by your peers,” Gold added. Doc raised an eyebrow at his creation. “Well, those in your field at least.” The robot corrected himself.

“I don’t know,” Magnus said taking another puff on his pipe.

“You should go!” Platinum insisted. “Come on, you’ve got no deadlines looming. It could be relaxing. A good way to charge the old battery.”

Doc Magnus pondered for a moment. “Well, I guess…”

“And we could come too!” Platinum said.

“What?” the scientist blurted.

“What a great idea, Tina!” Gold chimed in. “Especially if Doc wanted to show off his creations. Either that or we could take care of whatever little needs he had.”

“Sh-sh-show off?” Tin sputtered.

Gold gave him a slight nudged with his foot, made eye contact and gave Tin a ‘hush’ look. “What do you say, Doc?”

“Please,” Platinum said with a pout, jutting out her perfectly formed lower lip in a fashion similar to those women she had seen on television daytime dramas do when they wanted to get their way. “Pretty please.”

Doc Magnus glanced around at his creations and considered. Suddenly, there was a loud thud in the other room. “What the….?”

“Don’t worry!” called the voice of Iron. “We’ve got it covered!”

“Yeah, right!” the voice of Mercury mocking in the background.

Doc sighed. “OK, fine.” Gold and Platinum let out a little cheer.

Doc Magnus leaned back in his chair and puffed on his pipe. He figured the trip was the lesser of two evils. If they stuck around here and the robots continued to ‘help’ him, his lab would be in a lot worse shape than if he left it alone for a week or so. Besides, he thought, would a vacation be so bad?
***

 

Water droplets trickled off the large stalactites that hung from the ceiling of the dank, dark cavern. The liquid made a slight blip-blop sound as they landed in the pools of water on the floor, one of which actually opened up to a larger shaft and exit to the hidden lair. The constant sound of the dripping water did not seem to bother the dwelling’s only inhabitant as he sat among the shadows muttering to himself.

“Yes, yes,” the darkly dressed figure said to himself as he poured over some ancient texts. “Finally, after all these months of research, success!” He ran his fingers through his dark wavy hair and stretched. On the table next to him sat an ornate, golden helmet with a fin at the top and two fins splayed back from the eye sockets.

The man then reached across the table and pulled open a large book. The maps in the tome were worn and the pages curled and slightly yellowed. Still, they would serve his purpose.

Grabbing a metal instrument with two pivoted legs, he spread the tines apart the required distance. With one end of the drawing compass firmly planted in a specific spot on the paper, he swept the other part across one of the maps in a circular motion. It’s arc crossed the edge of a small land mass nestled in a large mass of water.

“Hmmm,” he mused to himself. He compared the ancient map with a more recent one of the same area he had staked to the wall. “That could pose a problem. Still, if the artifact is there, then that is where I must search!”

He rose from his seat, his dark purple cape swirling behind him as his walked across the way. His matching boots clicked on the stone surface. “After all, if I’m to increase my power base and allow myself an edge in battle against my accursed half-brother, then nothing shall stand in my way!”

He approached a small shelf chiseled into the stone wall’s surface. “In the meantime, I will simply employ more technical means to clear out any obstacles that I might encounter!” He started to retrieve a number of devices from their holding place
***

 

Doc Magnus stepped out on the veranda of his large suite. The warmth of the afternoon sun was cut slightly by the cool breeze coming off of the water. For a moment, he was ease.

A tapered hand was suddenly caressing his right shoulder, and he could feel the gentle press of a firm thin arm about his back. “Eh?” he said, glancing to his left.

Platinum was there, nuzzling up against his left shoulder. “See, I was right, wasn’t I?” she said.

“Mmmm hmmm,” the scientist said.

“Doc!” a voice called from inside the room. The other four Metal Men were standing around idle as Gold hung up the phone. “Good news, Doc. I just checked with the convention staff, and all is set for the dinner tonight. Until then, you have some free time.”

“Free time?” the scientist huffed.

“Free time!” Platinum squealed. “Oh, how wonderful! We could go shopping or something.”

“Shopping?” Magnus said with a raised brow.

“Or something,” Platinum said softly.

“M-m-maybe we c-c-could, I don’t know,” Tin said shyly.

“Spit it out, squirt!” Mercury snapped.

“Just give him a minute!” Iron said, stepping between the two. He glared at the red skinned robot.

Mercury threw his nose and chin into the air as he turned away.

Iron then turned back and looked down to their smaller teammate. “Go ahead, Tin. What were you saying?”

“I was j-j-just gonna sug-g-gest maybe we c-c-could see some sights,” Tin said cautiously, saying it almost as if it were a question.

“Sounds…uh…good to me,” Lead offered.

“Sure!” said Gold, taking the lead. “The islands are such a beautiful place! We might as well observe all its natural wonder. It could be a great learning experience.”

“Great!” Platinum exclaimed. “Can we, Doc?”

“I suppose you…”, the scientist started to say.

“Oh, you come too!” Platinum begged. “It wouldn’t be the same without you.” She stepped back and frowned slightly. “But first, maybe you should change.”

“Change?” the scientist said. “Why?”

Platinum tipped her head slightly then craned her head about and back. “We’re in a tropical paradise,” she explained. “Perhaps green tweed is not the best for sight-seeing.”

“Oh,” Doc Magnus said. “Well, I don’t have any…”

“Got it covered!” Platinum said, anticipating his words. She rushed over to the closet and produced some folded up clothing. “See why I offered to help you pack?” She held up a pair a white pants and a red short sleeved shirt covered with large, white flower patterns. “This says ‘tropical vacation’.”

Doc Magnus rolled his eyes.

Platinum plopped the clothes in his hands, stretched behind him and started to nudge him. “Go change in the bathroom,” she said excitedly. “And don’t forget about your shoes.”

“My shoes?”

“Penny loafers and sand don’t mix! There are sandals in the closet too.”

Doc shook his head as he headed for the bathroom. You’d think I can’t dress myself, he thought to himself. In a moment, the bathroom door closed loudly.

“Geez, Tina!” Mercury squawked. “You’d think Doc couldn’t dress himself the way you’re acting!”

“I was just trying to help,” Platinum protested.

“Meddle is more like it!”

“Was not!”

“Was too!”

“Hey, you two, stop it!” Gold said, coming between them. “Let’s not ruin this by….”

Gold stopped in mid-sentence, cocked his head toward the window and paused. He then turned back to the others. “Did your audio-sensors just pick that up?”

All six robots stopped to listen. One by one, their eyes lit up with realization.

“That sounded…” Iron started to say.

“…uh…like…,” Lead continued.

“…s-s-someone in….,” Tin added.

“Trouble!” Platinum said.

“Come on, Metal Men!” Gold instructed. “Let’s go see what we can do!” The others followed his lead, rushing for the veranda and out of the room.

Mercury was the last. “Great, just great! Even on a vacation, we can’t catch a break!” He hurried off to follow the others.
***

 

“Aaaaaaaaaah!” a blonde woman screamed. Her bountiful bosom covered in the top portion of a leopard skin print two-piece bikini bounced up and down as she ran from the water.

“Candy! What is it?” a well built male in blue bathing trunks asked as he sat up.

“Tommy! I saw a shark!”

Others were rushing in from the waves, and word of the sighting spread like wildfire across the tourists and beachcombers. Folks were scampering about the white sands, gathering their stuff and counting their kids. There were many raised voices and concerned cries as the air was filled with tension. One word was repeated over and over.

Shark!
***

 

Tito Makani, a heavy set native of the islands, bobbed up and down on his surfboard in the waves. “What are those crazy shoobies up to?” he wondered to himself as he saw everyone scurrying about the beach.

Suddenly, something brushed up against his left foot underneath the water. Tito peered over the side of his long board while keeping his weight mostly to the center. He saw nothing near him, but then his eyes caught sight of something approaching.

A big black fin protruding out the surface of the water! His eyes grew wider as the first fin was joined by another, and then another!

“Aaaaaaiggggh!” Tito squealed as he started to paddle his board with his hands and feet. “Sharks!”

The heavyset Hawaiian started to move, trying in vein to intercept a decent wave. His plan was to catch one that would propel him to the shore faster than the shark’s could bear down on him. As he paddled, he kept glancing back to see where the predators of the ocean were.

The fins were closing in fast!

Tito did a quick count in his head. Only two! Where was the third?

He glanced forward just in time to see something burst up through the surface of the water in his path. A large mouth full of a number of rows of razor sharp teeth appeared, awaiting the flesh meal to fall right into it!

“Aaaaaaiggggh!” Tito cried, unable to avert his course in time.

“Not today!” a voice boomed as a large metal fist from above slammed into the back of the shark’s head. The creature fell into the waves. The hand then reached down and grabbed Tito by the arm.

“Wha….?” the black haired man cried out.

“We’ve got you!” the same voice boomed from above. Tito felt himself being pulled into the air quickly by a bluish figure that resembled a human; and the man was hoisted up on to a floating circular saucer.

Just in time too, as the other sharks chopped down on the long board, snapping it in two. “Oh man! I spent all day waxing that!”

“I got him, Tin! Let’s move!” the rescuer said.

“R-r-right, Iron!” the smaller robot said as he piloted the craft back towards shore.
***

 

On the beach, the rest of the Metal Men were trying to control the crowd. Gold had fashioned one of his hands into a megaphone and was addressing the people. “Calmly, people, calmly!” he said, his voice amplified. “Make your way from the water in a quiet, orderly fashion!”

Mercury shook his foot in the air. “Yuck! I hate sand! It’ll take days to get this out of my cracks!”

“Look…uh…on the bright side,” Lead said. “We…uh…don’t sunburn.”

Mercury glared at his dimwitted colleague.

“Well, one of us already looks like he’s sunburned,” Platinum giggled.

Mercury glared at her too, a wisp of steam rising off his forehead as his internal temperature started to rise.

“My baby!” a woman cried out nearby. “Where’s my boy?” She was in her early forties, sort of heavy set, in a gaudy green and yellow one-piece bathing suit and a floppy hat.

Platinum rushed over to her. “Calm down, ma’am,” she said, putting her arm about the woman’s shoulders and gently patting. “Where did you last see him?”

“He was building sand castles while I napped!” the woman said in a fluster. “When I heard the screams, I looked up but couldn’t see Billy anywhere! You have to find him!”

“We will!” Platinum promised. She got a quick description and then turned to Lead and Mercury. “Guys, let’s do this!”

The robots split up and began to search feverishly. “Lost kid patrol,” Mercury grumbled to himself. “How demeaning.”

Lead trudged up the beach that was getting vacated by the minute. He excused himself as he passed the fleeing people. “…uh…sorry. Pardon…me. Thanks.” He then noticed a boy matching the mother’s description by the water’s edge.

He plodded up to him. “Are you…uh…named Billy?” the robot asked.

The brown haired boy turned and looked up at the large figure. Lead’s broad smile and non-threatening manner let the child know instantly it was all right. “Yeah,” the five year old said softly.

“You’re mother…uh…is lookin’ for…you.”

“I was just lookin’ out there,” Billy pointed.

Lead averted his view to where the child’s finger indicated. On the horizon, he could see a wave growing larger and larger as it approached. “Uh…oh!” the robot said. He scooped up the boy in his arms and started to trudge off. “Gotta…uh…tell the others!”
***

 

“OK, everybody!” Gold shouted. “Get ready!”

Lead and Iron had expanded themselves as large as they could while still keeping a sufficient thickness. They also interlocked their bodies together, Lead’s left side to Iron’s right. In doing so, they formed a rather impressive barricade a few feet off the shore line. Platinum and Tin had formed themselves into two support pillars, bracing themselves behind their two larger teammates. Their feet dug into the sand, establishing footholds.

“I h-h-hope this w-w-works,” Tin stuttered.

“It will!” Platinum said firmly. She always had confidence in Gold’s plans. She shifted slightly. “Hey, Mercury! How’s about some more footing here?”

The red skinned robot had formed himself into a miniature steam shovel, scooping up dirt in the bucket formed by his hands and dumping it where his fellow robots needed. “I’m coming! I’m coming!” Mercury grumbled. “Sheesh! You’re sure getting bossy as time goes by!” He flung a load in their direction.

“H-h-hey!” Tin exclaimed.

“Mercury! Cut it out!” Platinum spat out the sand that hit her pretty face.

“Enough!” Gold shouted. “Get ready now! Here it comes!”

Gold and the others turned toward the ocean as a rumbling like a dozen freight trains filled the air. A large wave of water was rolling towards the shore, a surfer’s dream and a weather man’s nightmare. The wave was easily a tsunami class tidal wave, barreling down upon the Hawaiian beach! No meteorological charts had predicted it. It was as if it appeared out of nowhere.

Luckily the Metal Men had been on the scene, and they positioned their robot-made break-wall directly in its path in order to minimize the destruction. As the seconds ticked away, they waited in anticipation for the crashing blow.

Gold blinked as he thought he saw something near the crest of the wave. He reformed his hands into a makeshift set of binoculars to get a better look. The sun glinted in his optical-sensors for a moment, then cleared. What he saw surprised him!

“A man!” Gold cried out.

“What?” Mercury squawked. “Where?”

“Atop the wave!” Gold cried out. “He looks familiar! Purple costume, golden helmet. An insignia on his chest!” He pulled the binoculars way from his face. “I’ve got it! That’s the Ocean Master!”

“W-w-who?” Tin stuttered.

Gold and Mercury fell back as the giant wave crashed down upon the shore!

 

As the excess water started to rush back, the costumed criminal landed on the wet sand. His boots made a slooshing sound as they landed firmly. “Nothing like a little ‘anger inducer’ to prod the local sharks to get the troublemakers out of the water and off the beach,” he chortled as he indicated one device on his belt. “Then, a little ‘consolidated wave’ to shake things up a bit.” The beach was indeed a shambles after the wave had hit.

“Now, to locate my prize!” Ocean Master said.

“The only prize you are getting is a booby prize!” a voice called out.

Ocean Master turned around to see a shiny gold figure pulling himself out the sand. “I don’t know who you are,” the villain sneered, “but you’re in for quite a shock if you think you can mess with me!” The purple costumed man lunged forward, his right hand flying forward in a punch.

“I don’t think so!” Gold said confidently, catching the man’s gauntlet covered wrist in his own grasp.

“Want to bet?” Ocean Master grinned. Suddenly, a burst of electricity shot through the metal gauntlet and into the one who opposed him. “Let’s see how you like that, mister!”

Gold’s body went rigged for a moment as the electric current traversed through his body. He shook back and forth. Ocean Master cackled.

“Big deal!” another voice called from behind the villain. Ocean Master turned to see another being, this one all red, emerging from the sand. He looked like the other but had a different face and such. “Don’t you know that Gold conducts electricity! It won’t keep him stunned for long!”

Ocean Master growled. “What is this? A convention of weirdoes!” He then glanced at the new threat and noticed something shiny near its left foot. “Wait! Don’t move! The artifact!”

Mercury glanced down and realized his foot was on something. He thought it a shell. “This?” he asked, picking up a gemstone slight smaller than a fist.

“Give it here!” Ocean Master demanded. He released his attack on Gold. “And careful! You have no idea how much power that possesses!”

“Really?” Mercury scoffed, eyeing the item. “Looks like some melted down beer bottle to me!”

“Melted down….?” Ocean Master fumed. “I’ll melt you down!” He moved his hand to the side of his helmet. “My latest addition to my weaponry will deal with you!” The eye pieces of the helmet began to glow red, and then beams shot forth. “Taste my ‘laser lens’, freak!”

The blasts hit Mercury square on. He could feel them pierce through his shell, sending his internals to boil. “Hey!” he squawked. “No fair making me hot under the collar!”

“Then turn over the artifact, freak!”

“Hey!” another voice boomed from the water’s edge. “No one calls Mercury a ‘freak’ but us!”

Ocean Master spun around to see four more odd figures, two large, one smaller and one female. “What is this? My intricate plan did not call for interfering parties!” He lunged for Mercury and the artifact.

“Plans change, buster!” Mercury said, tossing the jewel into the air.

“Hey!” Ocean Master yelled, grasping at the air but failing to touch the object that flew over his head.

“Oh n-n-no!” Tin cried as he realized Mercury’s pass was heading straight for him.

“I’ve got it!” Platinum said, forming a curved sloop with body. The artifact hit one end of the slide and slid out the other end. “Head’s up!”

“No! Give that back!”

Iron stretched out his hand. “No way!” the robot said, catching the item in his hand. He immediately created a solid box about it with his two hands.

“Give it back!” Ocean Master pleaded, pounding on the robot’s metal hide. “I worked hard to locate that missing ancient item of power, so it belongs to me!” He ignored the pain as he continued to thud against Iron.

“Item of power, huh?” Iron said. “Well if you want it that badly enough to send sharks and tidal waves on innocent people, there’s no way you’re getting it!” Suddenly, his hands ground together like a trash compactor. A slight sklitch sound could be heard as the gem was shattered. “Ooops.” But the look on Iron’s face indicated it was hardly an accident.

“Fools!” Ocean Master cried out. “How could you?”

“Easy!” said Gold, who had recovered. “Just as easy as this!” With a well thrown punch to the jaw, the robot knocked Ocean Master across the beach. The villain hit the sand with a thud and slipped unconscious.

The others regrouped around the defeated villain. “All’s well…uh…that ends…well,” Lead said.

“We saved the day and stopped the villain,” Gold concurred. “Great job, everyone.”

Suddenly, a voice called out. “Gold! Iron! Lead! Tin! Platinum! Mercury!” Doc Magnus appeared over the edge of the dune, dressed now in the beach attire but not looking very amused.

“U-u-uh oh,” Tin said.

“Relax,” Platinum said. “After all this, site seeing with Doc will be a breeze!” The robots all laughed.